Tag Archives: money

Communication and Money-The Importance of Keeping Her Trust

When Connie got home from work, she was already exhausted from a long day of meetings. She’d left the high-pressure world of event planning sales behind to get into nonprofit work.

She loved the challenge of raising money for her charity, and her job as a development director allowed her to leverage some of her former business relationships into new donors.

On this particular day, though, her executive director was worried about finances and had really called her on the carpet, even though she was already 22% over budget for the current fiscal year.


It didn’t help matters when she got home and opened a letter from the Internal Revenue Service, addressed to her and her husband Bob. When she opened it, she was shocked to see that they owed the IRS more than $7,000 in back taxes.

Bob did some freelance writing work in addition to his job as a teacher, and it looked like he hadn’t been making payments on his freelance income. And he certainly hadn’t told her about this.

She slammed the letter down on the kitchen island, punched his number into her cell phone, and tore into him when he answered the phone.

Why was Connie so mad? $7,000 is a lot of money, but it’s not the end of the world. Bob had also been taking out payday loans and other short-term credit lately, and instead of telling Connie that he was short with his side of their bills, he had just been making poor financial decisions that was costing them a lot in interest.

The worst part for Connie, though, was that Bob hadn’t told her anything.

Bob’s excuse was that he didn’t want Connie to worry. She was a cancer survivor — had been cancer-free for almost seven years by that point — but her cancer had cost her her thyroid, and she had developed epilepsy as a side effect of the radiation treatment that her oncologist had used on a small tumor in her skull.

Money and relationships
Money and relationships

So Connie was often exhausted at the end of the work week, spending some of her Saturdays and Sundays in bed just to get ready for the next week. Bob felt guilty about this and wanted to let her think he could handle things on his own.

Of course, he couldn’t, and he was digging a bigger and bigger financial hole for himself — and for her, since their taxes were filed jointly. Now there was a huge hole in the middle of their relationship, created by the simple fact that he couldn’t be trusted about money.

What should Bob have done instead? The problem with their finances began about a year and a half ago, when his health insurance (which also covered her) went up by 22 percent.

She also had dropped back from full time to part time work because of some fatigue and stress from her former job. He felt like he needed to do everything himself, but he simply couldn’t.

He should have told her about the problem and perhaps could have gone to family members for some short-term help. The bottom line: Connie was getting the message that he didn’t trust her as a partner, and she felt a complete lack of financial security as a result. She also felt like their relationship was worthless without that trust.

Now, Bob and Connie sit down weekly and talk about the upcoming week in finances as well as longer-term strategies. It’s not always comfortable for either one of them, but they no longer have trust issues with money.

Bob even decided to look for a corporate job at the end of the school year to boost his income, and he wouldn’t have had the confidence to do that without talking to Connie.

So the crisis turned into a win-win for them. If you and your loved one are in a similar mess, trusting each other with the truth is the best way to begin a new path for your relationship.

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Relationship Help – Money Management Communication is Key to Happy Home

Money isn’t the root of all evil, but evidence suggests it is the leading cause of separations and divorces throughout the world.

Even if both partners agree to the overall idea that they need to manage their money better, problems arise, when they disagree over how to manage the money or have miscommunications regarding who is or isn’t going to do what with the money.

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Here are a few universal truths to keep your money management plan for a happy marriage from falling apart as rapidly as your marriage.

Make Sure Both Partners have Some “Fun” Money of their Own

Invariably there is one person who makes more money than the other in the relationship. Neither partner should be investing 100 percent of earnings into the bill, family, and grocery till. Both of you need a little extra money to pursue things that are important and enjoyable to you without jeopardizing the entire family budget. In order words, you need to plan a set amount for fun money, for each of you, before you do anything else.

Don’t Overlook the Children

Invariably when this happens, the responsibility of giving the kids fun money falls on one parent or the other and it almost always comes from the “fun” money fund – rendering it not so fun. Whether it’s setting aside funds for allowances, school needs, clothing, entertainment, sports, etc. those expenses need to be factored into the family budget and a set amount of spending for these things needs to be determined as well.


Choose Areas of Drastic Spending Restraints Together

Both voices in the relationship need to chime in where major spending cuts are concerned. Sacrifices need to be made on all sides of the equation if you’re going to set financial goals and plan for a financial future together. Otherwise, why are you working to save for the future at all? It’s about togetherness and shouldn’t feel as a punishment for one person while the other person is making few, if any concessions.

Put it All in Writing

Iron out the details. Write it down. Make a copy. You both must be on the same page when it comes to the new family budget and money management efforts if either of you are going to be happy with the outcome. More importantly, seeing the revised plan on paper gives you both the opportunity to see if there are any spending weaknesses, forgotten expenses, or other concerns that have been overlooked in your plan.

It seems like such a simple step, and yet, so much can be riding on working it out amiably. Don’t let your relationship go down without a fight because one of you has a hard time managing money. Sit down and work on a plan that promises success.