Tag Archives: making up

Making up instead of breaking up

Forgiveness within a relationship, whether an ongoing or fractured one, is paramount. Without engaging in the constant dance of risk taking, wronging and repair of the relationship, couples never grow beyond the tiny, safe patch of grass where they graze. This means knowing the right time to consider things careful and when to release things. Most people fall on the side of the coin where a resolution is desired. What drives this? What are some signs it has been long enough? Is there such a thing as a correct time to make up? These and other questions create a possible environment where couples remain in a holding pattern. Understanding each section and then making decisions according to what needs to happen means taking several factors into account and seeing how they piece together.

What is the drive for making up?

It seems natural to say everyone wants to be forgiven. However, we all know people who either seem constantly content to pursue their own whims and desires without a care for the damage this behavior causes. These individuals are sometimes the hardest to forgive because they appear to want it the least.

This points to an important factor in making up. The act rarely, if ever, is for the other person. Think back to the last fight had with someone important and the feelings left in the wake of the disagreement. If being honest, one’s personal feelings dominated the initial thoughts because it grows hard to imagine the other person hurting as much as we do in a given moment.

Because pain is such great motivator, it can push us to make snap decisions. Pain can also be an excellent teacher. Taking a little time to discover the source of the pain, one’s role in its manifestation and how the pain causes us to respond makes us better equipped to change. Part of that change is in repairing the relationship damaged in the disagreement.

What are the signs it has been long enough?

While sounding cliche, one will know when adequate time has passed to bring about reconciliation. One must be aware of the signs because a lack of awareness leads to being locking a cold place where forgiveness refuses to flourish. Let’s look at some possible signs.

Couple Kissing Under the Tree during Daytime
Making up

* Sting is Lessened: Memory of the event or disagreement does not seem quite so fresh. This does not mean all the pain is gone. It just isn’t as sharp.

* Sense of Lack: When thinking of the other person, they come to mind first and not the offense. One needs to be aware they miss the other person and want them back in the relationship fully.

* Ability to Discuss: The processing of things has been done and now the person can talk about it in all the facets necessary without the sensation of being cut by it. One needs to stay in touch with their feelings. Being robotic in their handling of the matter increases the chance for recurrence rather than forgiveness and repair.

Is There a Correct Time?

In short, there is with the caveat it varies from person to person. Far greater damage can be done if one forces a timetable on someone before they are ready. Maybe because of modeling from their family, one person forgives quickly. The other side may need time to ponder everything while getting in touch with their feelings without them being so raw. When enough signs from the area above align for both people, making up becomes an option for both people.

Forgiveness forges deeper bonds within couples. Always bailing on tough conversations or situations only serve to weaken the structure of the overall relationship. One needs to resist rushing the process. Neither can they ignore the opportunity offered by disagreements and reconciliation. Take the right time and then reach out because everyone will feel better afterwards. If you Want Him Back, I’ll show you exactly what to do and what to say to get your lover back in your arms – Especially if you are the only one trying…Click Here…

Learn to Speak Love Language Before You Break Up

Breaking up is hard on everyone involved. If you’re interested in hanging on to your relationship, then the best solution is to prevent the breakup in the first place. Preventative action can save you both the heartache of a breakup and the lengthy recovery and reconciliation process. More importantly, it can help prevent many damaging words and actions before they ever happen. But, how do you stop something that seems almost inevitable?

Communicate More Effectively

Guys and girls have this Mars and Venus issue when it comes to communication. John Gray, Pd.D. even wrote a book about it back during the early 1990’s. The book was on the bestseller lists for an unprecedented 121 weeks because the concept was so simple, and yet, so foreign. Sometimes, the best solutions really are the simplest.

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The problem, according to this book, is that men and women communicate differently. What one person is saying (or intends to say) is not always what the other person in the relationship hears. This miscommunication often causes the perception of problems or issues in the relationship that only exists in the minds of the two people in the relationship. That’s why learning to communicate effectively is so important for the sake of your sanity and your relationship.

Discover Your Love Language

Everyone has a love language that best sums up the way the express love and the way they best FEEL loved. The love languages include:

1) Words of affirmation
2) Physical touch
3) Quality time
4) Gifts of service
5) Receiving gifts

Love Language
Love Language

Taking the time to understand how you best feel and express love in comparison to how your partner best feels loved and expresses love for you can save a lot of hurt feelings, cold shoulders, disagreements, and knockdown, drag out, dish flinging arguments over the course of your relationship.

Learn to Speak Your Partner’s Love Language and Accept Love from Your Partner

You see, people don’t only have a little difficulty feeling loved by partners that speak different love languages. In some cases, they have a difficult time accepting love in that language. This leads to feelings of alienation, confusion, and inadequacy for partners and drives a wedge into the relationship.

Learning to accept the love your partner has to offer while also learning to show love in a manner that will make your partner feel loved and cherished are equally important components when it comes to love languages. They are just as important as being able to make your partner feel the LOVE you have.

Love languages are great, but they do take time to work with and to become effective tools for saving your relationship from impending breakup. There are other options to consider if you need more immediate results.

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