Monthly Archives: June 2017

Spotting the Good Guys

The lament of several women centers around finding good guys and how impossible the task appears. While not the easiest process in the world, a few simple tweaks to one’s outlook may bring results where mining online dating sites and locals clubs have failed. Knowing where to look, what you are looking for and your own roadblocks must come into focus before the good guys will begin surfacing.

Where to Look?

This is one of the easiest things to fix. Men are not hiding in a secret location. They are everywhere. The problem isn’t finding guys. It is finding the right guys.

Look Around: Pay attention to the places you are already frequenting. If personal health is an interest, there will be men at the gym, running trails and even the yoga class. If you have a hobby or other passions, there will be a place you visit to get supplies or information. Keep your head up and make eye contact.

Situational Awareness: Being in environments with men who share similar interests is not enough. You will need to sift through to find the ones who will be right for you. Take the gym as an example. Connecting with a body builder hyper focused on free weights if you prefer someone with greater overall fitness will lead to greater frustration than not being able to find anyone. Look for the right mesh.

What Do You Want?

Knowing oneself can be a challenge to meeting the right guy. Everyone possesses things, both known and perhaps hidden, nudging them towards specific men. Like fertilizer for a garden, being aware of what you need, want and will not tolerate make finding the best guy for you much more fruitful than a scattershot approach.

Beautiful Young Couple

* Deal Breakers: What must you have or will not tolerate in anyone?
* Deep Wants: Unlike breakers, you have to know what fills your heart drawing you to another person.
* Delightful Lures: Areas arise pulling you into deeper waters and only certain types of men will draw that from you.

What Prevents Your Openness?

When entering into a relationship, a delicate dance begins leading some to shy away from even the best guy for them. More than knowing likes or dislikes or sharing interests, one needs to address real things blocking them from a true relationship. This often proves challenging because no one likes to think they are the cause of their own pain.

Root Out Prejudices: Preconceived notions do more to short circuit relationships than true disagreements. Looking at someone and dismissing them out of hand reduces the number of guys, good and otherwise, out there being considered. Taking a chance on someone gives love a chance to blossom.

Being Real: Presenting false fronts, even to make yourself feel better, gives the wrong impression. You are meeting another person. How they act might be directly related to how you are acting. If being fake and hide what you really feel when you are with them, they likely will respond in kind. The risk of being real offers the other person the opportunity for honesty as well.

Good guys are mixed in with every other kind of guy out there. Also, a good guy for you might surprise you. You need to check in the places you already are, know what you’re really looking for and having an open heart to allow love a chance to grow. Love is often hard to find. You need to help it along.

If you Want Him Back, I’ll show you exactly what to do and what to say to get your lover back in your arms – Especially if you are the only one trying…
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Myths About Men and Their Feelings

A great deal has been espoused about men and their feelings. One of the interesting things centers around what people, both men and women, expect counter to the underlying truth surrounding the emotional lives of men. The topic often triggers many debates. Everyone must put their preconceived notions to the side and begin afresh with the discussion about men, their feelings and how to they can express them.

Myth 1: Men Don’t Have Feelings

Some classical male archetypes come across as silent, emotionless pieces of granite. This presentation in movies, books and countless other pieces of media helps perpetuate the idea of men being able to bear up under any burden without a sound. Giving the idea of a heartless man life means certain ideas can be perpetuated.

Truth: Everyone, regardless of their sex, has feelings. To assume men don’t feel things is to divorce them from their humanity. If someone removed an essential part of being human from any other demographic, they would be viewed as close minded and even cruel. Keep in mind everyone feels.

Myth 2: Men Have Fewer Words Around Their Feelings

Many people note how much women are able to discuss their feelings. They provide study results about the number of words for various feelings women can access. These same people equate the lack of matching words for men to mean either they do not possess the same depth of emotion or are unable to communicate their feelings.


Truth: Language is a learned skill. Think about how children learn to speak. First, they make sounds, then form words and then sentences. All of these capture the thoughts they are having allowing them express everything from logical points to dreams to feelings. The same is true for everyone. If any part of the development process is held back because of outside pressures, those individuals will not possess the same skills as others.

Myth 3: Men Don’t Like Talking About Their Emotions

Charged conversations including those dealing with emotional issues may devolve into a heated argument. In the throws of such a situation, both people may lean on emotionless logic to find purchase in the whirlwind of loud voices. Because of this retreat to a reasoned approach, it would be safe to say no one likes talking about their feelings, no matter if they are male or female.

Truth: In a safe environment, men open up about what they feel. It is important to be remember the risk of sharing feelings including a risk of judgement. Everyone needs to know they can express what they feel. This also means working through the messy emotions to the rich ones just below the surface. Talking about feelings is never a one time thing or easy to do.

Remembering not every person falls into a paradigm. Emotionally aware men capable of discussing what they are feeling fluently live in the same world as silent women scared to give voice to their deepest feelings. Speaking in gross generalities rarely encourage conversation. In fact, it is up to everyone to watch out for themselves, encourage a safe space within the relationship and draw their partner into fruitful discussions. Building and encouraging the other person can be hard, but so very much worth it.

If you Want Him Back, I’ll show you exactly what to do and what to say to get your lover back in your arms – Especially if you are the only one trying…
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An Ex Longing to Return

An ex might express a desire to rekindle a relationship or they might be acting friendly. How can one know which it is? Acting one way or the other might give the wrong impression. Being cognizant of and reading all the signs an ex puts forth helps determine their intent. From a place of knowledge, one can decide if their desires coincide with their ex.

Sign 1: A Magnetic Draw

Attraction to an ex occurs quite often. People recall how their relationship started and long for the same feelings they felt before. Some might long for the familiar. Or perhaps they have yet to find anyone who stirs them in the same way. One needs to see if the attraction is mutual. Caring for an ex more than they care likely leads to more heart break. Conversely, sensing a lack of feelings for one’s ex creates a recipe for not moving to the next thing.

Sign 2: Easy Conversation

Speaking to an ex who is looking to return often feels easy. Old jokes come up. They ask about how things are. Even surface topics feel richer when talking about them with an ex. As with attraction, the free flow of information and banter needs to be equal on both sides. An ex interested in returning will seek to know about you and share about what is going on with them.

Sign 3: Relational Checking

A common question for an ex seeking to return will be about the status of one’s relationships. Are you seeing someone? Is it serious? Are you happy? While the questions sound innocent on the surface, an ex might be wanting to know if an opening to return exists. Being honest about things is vital. Downplaying a current relationship holds out hope to the ex and makes them bolder. Building up the relational status might scare an ex away.

an ex
an ex

Sign 4: Seeming Different

Change can be the greatest indicator of an ex looking to return. A distrustful former lover may make greater efforts to tone down their behavior to give a better impression. Watch for wild and unsustainable swings. While it is nice to believe a person may move heaven and earth to change, often the same person with all their longings and attitudes wait right outside the door. Hope but verify things are different.

What You Feel

Ultimately, one needs to decide what they want. A warm feeling of being pursued, especially if things ended poorly, has the potential to blind someone to the trouble right around the corner. Search your own heart. Do you still care for this person and love them enough to get back with them? If not, you need to be honest with them.

Reconciling with an ex is a tempting romantic trope. There are books, movies and songs about an ex begging to be taken back. Second chances are important. Great love can grow out of rekindled romance. You need to decide if that is what you want. If not, tell them the truth, so both of you can move toward the future even if it may be without each other.

If you Want Him Back, I’ll show you exactly what to do and what to say to get your lover back in your arms – Especially if you are the only one trying…
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Three Key Ways to Know You’re Being Taken for Granted

If a person asks whether or not their being taken for granted, something has broken within the relationship. This does not mean things are doomed. In fact, the most common signs of the state can be corrected provided both people are willing to put in the work to correct the problems. Here are the three keys, the deeper issues they point to and some steps toward relational repair.

Key 1: Lack of Communication

A partner who fails to share what is going on internally leaves space for other things fill the void. There can be a number of minor things triggering the silent treatment. Physical factors like tiredness, emotions like stress or external factors family disagreements may lead someone to take a more reserved approach in conversations. Most of this acute issues pass quick and lines of communication reopen relatively easily.

Deeper issues might shut down sharing long term. A chronic issue leaks into everything going on with a couple. Communication problems exist like the canary in the coal mine. If couples do not work on talking to one another worse things are on the horizon.

Solution: Get to the root of what is blocking the communication. Some of the things keeping people from being fully open in their conversations center around fear. Give one another a pass to share what is really going on inside. From there, communication and appreciation can be rebuilt.

Key 2: Mysterious Decisions

Unilateral decision, especially small ones, demonstrate a lack of interest in what is going on with one’s partner. Arguments could be made when some decisions are better done by one partner or for a special circumstance. After all, who wants to give input on their anniversary gift or surprise birthday party.

Free stock photo of sea, beach, vacation, love

Where things get tricky are when a partner makes the call to major life changes without securing any input. Granted, certain areas may affect one person more than another, so they have a greater vested interest in the outcome. Despite this situation, fractured couples fail to include their partner in any of the decision making process.

Solution: Seeing things as a true partnership helps couples to break the pattern establishing them as solo people under a combined relational roof. Practice helps them to move forward as unit and make decisions together. The first few can be difficult, but once things get rolling support is right around the corner.

Key 3: Ignored Needs

A sure sign of being taken for granted centers around personal needs, no matter how trivial, neglected. Several excuses can be offered. The offending member, especially if the been happening for a while, will have several explanations in their quiver. These lame offerings prove how damaged the relationship has become.

Underneath the simple thoughtlessness, base selfishness demonstrates the damage done by one person taking care of only themselves. Almost the very definition of taking someone for granted is placing oneself above them and their needs. If a partner practices this behavior, they will likely have developed some skillful reasons they need to protect themselves. These are only more elaborate excuses.

Solution: Acknowledging the mistake, asking for forgiveness and striving to place the partner’s needs in a higher status allows for the opportunity to alleviate the damage done. The steps involved will require repeated use to repair the damage. The time for simple fixes will be gone, so commitment is necessary.

Being taken for granted presents as a deep relational fracture with several tributaries coming off of it. Time and effort can heal the damage done through long silences, unilateral choices and selfishness. Each person must commit to a strong plan of action and from there set about rebuilding what they possessed before. Love is worth the effort.

If you Want Him Back, I’ll show you exactly what to do and what to say to get your lover back in your arms – Especially if you are the only one trying…

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Breaking Through Being Ignored

Feeling dismissed and ignored stings deeper than almost any other feeling. One would almost rather feel the highest highs of love followed by the depths of despair of a break up than exist in the limbo of the unknown.

What should a person do when they believe they are being ignored? Taking stock of the relationship, determining the source of the breakdown and fixing the problem will need to occur before anything will resolve for the positive or negative.

Where Things Stand

Though seemingly obvious, one needs to make sure certain things exist before taking offense. Some of the items can be established without a conversation. However, one must often have a conversation with their partner to confirm things.

* Verify the Relationship: Sometimes if you have kept things casual at the outset, everyone might not be aware of the depth of the relationship. Someone who does not know they are in a relationship cannot truly ignore the other person.

* Confirm the Expectations: Once in a relationship, it becomes critical to set a baseline for interaction. Having an understanding about frequency of contact, what forms of communication will be the norm and level of exclusivity help to create the plan moving forward.

* Avoid Being Unrealistic: Applying too much pressure might tend to push a partner away leading to very situation where the act of ignoring happens. You must take into account what you want while allowing for the needs of your partner.

 Free stock photo of man, person, love, people

Where Did Things Break Down

It can be hard to know the true cause of why relationships move in the ways they do. Some of the things blocking the course of the progression grow numerous.

* Fear: Either person can let fear stop them from moving forward or pulling back to keep themselves safe.
* Not Ready: Maybe someone is not ready to commit to a deeper level.
* Purposeless: A partner may feel like they intended to have fun without any of the regular strings attached.

Be aware, these things could arise from either side of the relationship. You could feel any of these things. Also, a feeling you are presenting might push the other person away creating the very distance you fear.

How to Fix Things

The single best way to repair the damage and get things back on track is to have the difficult conversation. Most people prefer to let things languish until they die rather than taking the necessary steps discuss their deep feelings. No one wants to hurt another person.

Addressing fears, feelings, direction and desires means having more than single discussion. Communication proves to be the most challenging thing facing a couple because they have to be honest with themselves as well as the other person. Nothing threatens a relationship more than straight, honest talk.

In the end, growing from a mild relationship into a deeper commitment means facing hurdles like being ignored and overcoming them. One needs to put their own fears in check and become vulnerable with their partner. From a place of trust, any couple can thrive. It only takes a little time and courage. Love means being bold when the heart trembles.

If you Want Him Back, I’ll show you exactly what to do and what to say to get your lover back in your arms – Especially if you are the only one trying…

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Stimulating His…Mind

A stereotype about men focuses on the simplicity of the masculine mind. The good news is most men require more hitting on a couple of bases to be engaged mentally. The bad new is finding the right things to tap into may require more effort than expected to get things going. Taking into account certain steps will bring about the possibility for greater and deeper engagement on many fronts.

Check the Regulars

Popular activities are so named because of their populist nature. It might be easy as a starting off point to look into your guy’s interest in more mainstream activities.

Sports: Does he follow a team? Has he participated in an unusual sport like rock climbing or scuba diving?
Movies: What’s his favorite movie? Does he enjoy old movie houses? Or been to a film festival?
Pets: Has one? Wants one? What’s the most exotic animal he would like to have a pet if there was no law against it?

These and countless other general categories can allow for conversation and questions. They may also trigger other topics or scenarios. You can even pull up pages from popular search engines as a starting off point. One great thing about using this approach is nothing is generally off limits because they can spin to a variety of other areas.
Go Off Track

Taking a risk and going toward more avant garde topics means being ready for what comes next. A censored conversation shuts down any opportunity to truly engage in deeper stimulation. Also, he needs to feel safe to share in the pursuit of these areas. If he senses he may be teased, your man will resist exploring. Almost nothing shuts down real mental stimulation like fear.

Close-up of Couple Holding Hands

Art: Everyone has opinions about art whether they have attended art history classes or not. Talking about the composition of a particular piece or exhibition will be a fun adventure. It will also help if it is something you can explore together.

Music: Live performance excites many because it intersects heart, mind and body. Many guys may resist natural urges to move in rhythm to the music, popularly known as dancing, but they can be tricked into it if they feel good in the setting. Plus, the event will be something great to talk about on the way home.

Read Together: Selecting a book and either reading to one another or together will introduce new ideas and debates into the relationship. Endless tomes exist to explore including histories, biographies, fiction and poetry. Each one expands both of you making mutual stimulation a healthy byproduct.

Ultimately, the best way to stimulate the mind of your man is to ask questions, listen to his answers and share your insights. Nothing is sexier than conversation. It delves deep into what a person cares about while giving opportunities to introduce new things. The longer a couple remains together the deeper and more daring they can be. Topics considered off limits at the beginning may open up into rich and exciting area of growth.

Take the risk and be open to where the journey carries the two of you. You’ll be rewarded for your boldness.

If you Want Him Back, I’ll show you exactly what to do and what to say to get your lover back in your arms – Especially if you are the only one trying…

Click Here…

Knowing if He’s Checked Out of the Relationship

Prognostication within a relationship means being aware of what the individual does and how those actions relate to future behaviors.


Ask anyone seeking to predict the weather or the winner of this season’s Bachelor and they will confess the low likelihood of success. Fortunately, targeting specific ways he acts with you will indicate the temperature of the relationship. Let’s look at these behaviors and the relational result.

Relation Status: Hot

In this zone, everything is hitting on all cylinders. These items will be the best they could possibly be both within the relationship and how things are operating.

Communication: He shares everything. No parts of his life appear off limits or clouded in too much mystery. He is more than an open book. He shares information without being asked, keeps everyone in the loop and listens well when you respond.

Teamwork: When it comes to everything, he possess clear opinions while taking in valuable input. Every decision demonstrates he is part of a team.

Vulnerability: His intentions and heart clearly are on display. At no point is there a question as to who he is aligned with. He confesses both his struggles and victories, his passions and plights.

Prognosis: Everything looks great. The relationship can grow and plumb greater depths from this place.

Relation Status: Warm

Bumps show up at this point. Some can be deep enough to cause lasting damage like a busted tire due to a huge pothole coming out of nowhere. That same thing can do more extensive damage down the road if not repaired.

Communication: He answers the questions posed to him without offering any elaboration. He does not lie or deliberately avoid topics. He is merely less inclined to talk with you about things.

Free stock photo of man, love, people, woman

Teamwork: He may be on board to work with you while keeping other areas completely separate. He might offer excuses like certain things do not involve you. His investment, though not devoid, is significantly less than full.

Vulnerability: His actions and motivations seem to be shrouded in mystery. He might be able to explain certain things. He more often will say he does not know what he thinks, feels or wants in a given situation.

Prognosis: Cause for concern. The way things trend at this point means the relationship is moving toward jeopardy, but it can still be saved.

Relation Status: Cold

Long term problems have fractured the skeleton making support, love and care luxuries rather than regular occurrences. From here, life support for love calls into question if things will survive.

Communication: He keeps everything to himself. Often he gives no basic information. He withholds details about where he is, what he is doing and who he spends time with. He represents the Bermuda Triangle in your life.

Teamwork: His actions point to being a solo player. Not only does he only look out for his interests, he likely never takes into account what you need even on the most basic level.

Vulnerability: He gives no sign of having any sort of emotional life or depth. He guards himself as though sharing anything with you might put himself at risk. He also does not seem to take into account the impact his coldness has on you.

Prognosis: Not good. If hope with tough work exists in the Warm stage, then tripled efforts and a miracle will be needed to rescue the relationship.

Stopping the cooling of the relationship means standing up, calling out problems and working when times get tough. Be brave. If he is not willing to change, you need to take the steps to keep yourself safe and healthy with or without him.

If you Want Him Back, I’ll show you exactly what to do and what to say to get your lover back in your arms – Especially if you are the only one trying…

Click Here…