Monthly Archives: April 2017

Building Trust Again

Trust, a key component in any relationship, faces many challenges. Almost no relationship is not tested in the area of trust. When they occur, couples may look back and say they did nothing wrong and do not deserve this. Understanding the myriad of reasons for broken trust, the key steps to rebuilding trust and the benefits of a restored trust makes the process before a couple clear.

Reasons of Broken Trust

A variety of things attack trust. While it would be nice to think couples only need to defend one area of their relationship in a single way, the relational foundation gets destroyed by fire, flood and neglect. Let’s look at how these reasons rear their heads before addressing how to repair them.

Betrayal: Hearing betrayal, thoughts turn to matters of emotional or physical infidelity. It is a clear break of trust which should never be ignored. However, minimizing the other forms opens couples to numerous other issues. One might hide things to keep their heart safe. Perhaps they keep a secret account just in case. This betrayal burns away a storehouse of trust as any physical relationship.

General Disagreements: An erosion of trust occurs when someone continually disagrees or expresses things contrary to how they once did without any explanation. Think of this as when a river digs the earth out from under a tree on the bank exposing the roots. A partner may feel unsafe as though they need to keep certain things to themselves. This dark, dank environment does not foster an environment of trust.

Time: Neglect of trust weaken the foundation like an old covered bridge with missing boards and gaps in the roof. One is more likely to stay on their side rather than reaching out to the other person. Trust needs feeding and care from both people to keep it strong, vibrant and growing.

Key Steps to Rebuilding Trust

These points will sound simple. Often when facing the task of repairing trust, the process in more labor and time intensive than simple maintenance would have been. Take each step at face value while realizing layer exist underneath making the it important to press forward when times get tough.

* Express: Sharing thoughts and feeling become critical. A partner needs to see, hear and understand what is going on. Take time to investigate these things yourself and then share what is found there.

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* Listen and Gain Insight: Monopolizing the expression phase never builds trust. Because it is a two way street, one must listen to understand what a partner is experiencing from their side. Be quiet and still.

* Give Time and Space: Resist the urge to respond in the moment, especially to negative feedback. The first pass is often defensive and needs to be digested. Avoid rushing toward resolution as this short circuits the true growth of trust.

* Table Big Things and Circle Back: Not everything will be resolved on the first pass. If something huge comes up, acknowledge its existence, promise to return to it and then fulfill the agreement. Promises prove critical and can not be broken.

Benefits of a Trust Repaired

No one would ever say the process to repair trust would be wonderful. Several relationships never face the hard work of rebuilding. They are surrendered to the pile of broken commitments. However, every relationship needs tweaking of their trust which means there is a benefit to the act.

Stronger: A tempered sword stands against the clashing blow. A relationship, similarly forged through the fires of rebuilt trust, remains strong as outside forces attempt to beat it. Trust will give a solid spine to the relationship moving forward.

Safer: Developing a place where each party knows they can be heard allows for them to grow. With the trust of the other, a partner could take a risk because they know the net of love and trust exist to catch them when they fall.

Deeper: From a place of trust, couples love far deeper. They have set aside some of the fears they have about where they stand and who they stand with. They can encourage more and take greater risks with their own hearts.
Trust is both delicate and strong. No relationship survives for long without it. Maintaining trust can be easy and hard simultaneously. Most people rarely think far ahead to stay out of trouble where trust is concerned. This is why taking the time, care and love to rebuild what matters the most will allow couples to stand the test time.

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The Hazard of Happiness from Others

A sensation of happiness arise from countless sources like a fresh baked cookie from a parent, a great nap on a rainy day or the ideal word from the most important person in one’s life. While not bad in and of themselves, only seeking happiness from others leads to numerous complications. Romantic relationships relying solely on one another for any form of validation bring even greater issues. Understanding the reasons why this viewpoint is bad for the other person, the individual and the relationship as a whole must be understood before spotting red flag this reliance has crept into the relationship already.

Reasons It Is Bad for Them

People, even the best and most given ones, do not save other people. Placing someone in a position where they must sustain an emotional well with the potential of never being completely filled asks too much of them. This multifaceted person transforms into a conduit of the desired thing: Happiness. Consider how two dimensional it makes them. When the transition happens, then little concern arises for their needs. They stop being someone and becomes something.

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happiness

Reasons It Is Bad for You

No one has ever grown, found satisfying love or even a good friend by focusing on getting something from another person. Even in scenarios where a quid pro quo exists, the transactional nature poisons one’s ability to focus on sacrificially caring for the other person because you are not invested in them and their happiness. Outside of the relationship and the other person, it becomes harder to grow and experience things on your own due to having this great person who is there just to make you happy.

Reasons It Is Bad for the Relationship

Think about a spider’s web. No matter how large the spider or intricate their web, no one has ever witnessed them catching a bird. Relationships are similarly fragile and sticky. If one person becomes selfish and claims the lion’s share of anything, the balance gets thrown off and everything falls down. Also, it is easy for this to become a pattern without anyone realizing. When this happens, it becomes much harder to break the cycle and move forward. Both people must seek the other’s happiness and revel in the joy they receive from being with the other person.

Red Flags of Happiness Dominance

Some signs might peek around the corners letting one know this already exists. Let’s look at these concerns.

* Swinging Up and Down: Responding overly up or down when receiving happiness from one’s partner may demonstrate and overly charged link. Variations should exist in one’s emotions, but it becomes troubling when tied to a specific person and their behaviors or responses.

* Running Off Fear: Fear within in a relationships is like fast food for the body. It can be a good short term solution, but things operate poorly in such an environment. If one only feels the acidic tang on fear when not receiving happiness from their partner, the cycle may have started.

* Rudderlessness: A withdrawal of overall happiness when not supplied by one’s partner might create a sensation of being lost. The best way to identify this is when everything else seems to running well and yet not knowing where to go, what to do or how one feels overwhelms everything else.

Some of the greatest joy one can feel is in caring for another person and receiving the care in return. Watch for a growing sense of selfishness and be quick to talk to each other. This can be difficult for either individual because the temptation to say this is how love is supposed to be displayed. Healthy boundaries mean not siphoning off another person or letting them use you for their benefit. Be partners and love one another well.

If you Want Him Back, I’ll show you exactly what to do and what to say to get your lover back in your arms – Especially if you are the only one trying…

Click Here…