Monthly Archives: February 2017

Accepting Break Up Responsibility

When a relationship ends, most people wish to move on as soon as possible due to the pain tied to the sudden loss. The temptation should be acknowledged and avoided because of the lessons possible through learning how to accept one’s role in the dissolution of the relationship and the benefits brought about by the assessment. The process will be challenging. Out of adversity, strength, compassion and sweetness can be discovered greater than powering through to the end as quickly one is able.

How to Accept Responsibility

Assess: The relationship need a complete review of the positives and negatives. This step can be facilitated by making a list. It can start on a single sheet of paper with a line down the middle. Another good way to workout the nature of the relationships would be to create a narrative or biography of the relationship. Bios of interesting people unearth the good and not so great aspects of them laying them bare for everyone to see.

Determine Your Part: Once everything is out, then some of the hardest work begins. People in relationship have a hand in every conflict. An argument could be made for certain relational impairments being more on one partner than the other like those struggling with substance abuse or chronic philandering. While true on the surface, a wise person will look for ways they may have made alterations to themselves or their response. Regardless of the seriousness of the condition, this is not about beating oneself up or saving the relationship. It is about identifying an aspect of how a person acts in relationship.

Watch for Patterns: Behaviors, especially those learned to cope with stress, follow a clear line and arise repeatedly. This does not meant they will manifest the same way every time because there will be the dynamic of a new partner. Think about someone who has difficulty with conversations about intimate matters. A pattern might be avoidance. With one person, it might be demonstrated in storming out during the conversation. While with another, one could take the offensive and distract their partner by bringing up the other person’s behaviors. In both situations, they are avoiding having a conversation that makes them uncomfortable.

Free stock photo of bench, love, people, woman
responsibility

Acknowledge: Then comes the hard part of owning up to these behaviors and patterns. People often do not have a hard time admitting when they have done something wrong. It gets far trickier when having to state how those acts might have negatively impacted the relationship and possibly hobbling it. One need not overly chastise themselves or create a sense of shame about them. Acknowledge and be aware moving forward.

Benefits for You and Everyone Else, Including the Ex

This process is supremely difficult. One requires strong motivation to do the work before them. Let’s look at a couple of ways this act might help in the now and in the future.

* Understanding: By seeing how one behaves, changes can be made to improve communication with a partner.
* Stopping Things in the Moment: Short circuiting a fight by seeing a common behavior will take the pressure off.
* Seeing Yourself: Knowing one’s own foibles will allow you to extend grace to yourself, family, friends and even your ex.
* Telling on Yourself: One need not hide or create a false front when they know they screw up.
* Freeing Others: If someone sees you take responsibility, they are more likely to be open about their own shortcomings.
* Starting Change: The first step to improve things is always accepting the truth about the now before moving forward.

Ultimately, the act of accepting responsibility is hard. No one would ever say it was anything else. Because of the challenge, one needs strength and persistence. The good news is it gets easier and often the hardest thing is to get started. So get started now because it will be better once you do. If you Want Him Back, I’ll show you exactly what to do and what to say to get your lover back in your arms – Especially if you are the only one tryingClick Here…

Pitfalls of Trying to Buy Love

Movies create the expectation with enough money one can have whatever they want. While this may appear true in a capitalistic society where it seems everything is for sale, the capturing of another person’s heart refuses to fall into this category. One needs to avoid the temptation because of false expectations, lack of validity and subtle forms of this behavior place more than a bank account at risk. They weave into a single chain designed to yank the truth of love out of the hands of the person so desperate for its caress.

Unsustainable False Expectations of love.

Love has always been uncontrollable. When someone starts a relationship using their resources to sweep the other person off their feet, a standard is set. Imagine meeting someone who speaks with a flawless accent causing everything they say to drip with honey. After a short time, their partner hears them speaking on the phone with a family member and not using an accent at all. Is this a terrible betrayal? In the grand scheme of things, not really, but it creates a sense of creeping doubt about other things. The same can occur with trying to buy the love of someone.

love

Also, life is far too unstable to use money or status to impress another person. Markets turn. Businesses fold. And sometimes spent accounts may not regenerate. Think of someone who relies heavily on their appearance and never stretches to increase their level of intellect or compassion. They eventually have to seek where their true value lies. Same for the person who sees monetary support as the only thing they bring to the table.

Knowing the Truth

The fragility of love means everyone questions how it all fits together. Inherit in this is why the person they are with loves them. When using money to charm another person, the doubt and questions swirl higher and higher like a windstorm ready to tear everything apart.

Man and Woman Boat Rowing in Sea during Golden Hour
love

 

It might seem this is only a problem for the one spending on their partner. The one being wooed in this manner does have questions lurking in the background of their mind as well. They will wonder why this person behaves the way they do. Doubt will creep into their hearts as to what their true value when they are unable to respond in kind. This creates a pressure which could snap the relationship in two.

Sneaky Ways It Can Happen

The funny thing about the arrangement is the subtle the forms it may take. Rarely, if ever, does one person write a giant check and purchase the other person’s heart. Considered in that light, the prospect sounds like something from a cartoon. But seeing more realistic ways the dynamic plays out shows how anyone is capable regardless of their age, sex and financial standing fall into the trap.

* Gift Shower: Near endless presents for a variety of reasons or no reason at all.

* Paying Debts: Offering or even paying for credit cards, living expenses or traffic tickets without the presence of a strong commitment to moving forward says to the other person “I’m taking care of you” in a possessive way.

* Covering the Check: While chivalrousness at the beginning, couples growing closer begin sharing entertainment and dining costs. Continuing or doing more falls closer to a purchase of love rather than building a partnership.

Love is complicated even in the best relationships.

With that said, true love is never bought and paid for. Anyone practicing this form of relational building is only getting the portion of the other person’s heart by renting time, attention and possibly their affection. Love must grow in the open air by taking care of the other person, investing in them and giving things from a place of genuine care for them. This grants real love a chance moving forward. If you Want Love Back, I’ll show you exactly what to do and what to say to get your lover back in your arms – Especially if you are the only one trying…Click Here…

 

The easiest signal of infidelity

Cheating, in all its forms, can be tricky to spot. The person entering into infidelity may be saying so in a quiet whisper because everyone learns to hide things from those in their life. Only by studying the changes a partner goes through can the undercurrent of an affair be pulled out of the darkness and into the light.

Changes invade multiple facets of a persons life. Eventually, the variations from the previous person become so drastic they cannot be ignored. This makes alterations and their motivations the clearest signal some thing below the surface has changed within a partner. Once noticed, the other person needs to begin asking questions to discover what lies beneath. Let’s look at some areas of change.

Physical signals of infidelity

Though cliche, this is often the easiest to spot. The person is putting their change on display for everyone to see. Things will compound as things progress.

Physical Body: Weight loss is common. Early on, they might state health as the key reason. While possibly accurate, pay attention what follows their reaching a healthy weight. They might try to stretch things.

Personal Style: Changes in dress, as with the body, might not occur all at once. Updating one’s style is not out of the ordinary. However, a swing into a more professional or youthful style outside of the parameters of their day to day life may mean their getting encouragement elsewhere to try something outside their comfort zone.

Modifications: The most extreme of the physical changes often begin with conversational hints. Mentioning a style of tattoo they like or the possibility of getting an elective surgery without any context or history is cause for concern.

Mental signals of infidelity

As the body is overt when changes happen, the mind can hide its changes. Some people enjoy the challenge of learning a new language, experience a different cuisine or going to a conference for unrelated interests. Most people need to be motivated to learn, grow and change their mind.

Free stock photo of man, love, people, woman
infidelity

* Know Who They Are: One needs to know if their partner is naturally drawn to learning and self improvement.
* What Brought Them There: Even learners feel a reason to change and that motivation should be explained.
* See If They’ll Share: True learners want to discuss or even bring their partner along, so hiding this part of their life is a red flag.

Emotional signals of infidelity

The heart possesses the most shrouds of all. Sometimes the persons does not know their own heart. It can be twisted into knots or hide the truth from even the owner. One of the things making this hard for everyone involved centers around the state of the current relationship. If fleeing to an affair, the person may not feel able to be entirely open. Listening to what they say and unsolicited feedback from those outside the relationship can show how they are changing. Also, checking the emotional temperature and expressing one’s heart to the possible cheater may cause them to unconsciously open up. Treading lightly in this area is critical because of the embedded mystery in everyone.

Being alert and in communication brings these changes to light much sooner. Once aware of them, one must avoid the temptation to sweep them under the rug and pretend everything will be fine without any intervention. Pain may be an outcome of discovering a partner has made changes for another person. But it is better to find out early rather than living in a web of untruth and betrayal. Be brave, ask hard questions and check your own motivations to help gain the love you long for.  If you Want Love Back, I’ll show you exactly what to do and what to say to get your lover back in your arms – Especially if you are the only one trying…Click Here…

 

Making up instead of breaking up

Forgiveness within a relationship, whether an ongoing or fractured one, is paramount. Without engaging in the constant dance of risk taking, wronging and repair of the relationship, couples never grow beyond the tiny, safe patch of grass where they graze. This means knowing the right time to consider things careful and when to release things. Most people fall on the side of the coin where a resolution is desired. What drives this? What are some signs it has been long enough? Is there such a thing as a correct time to make up? These and other questions create a possible environment where couples remain in a holding pattern. Understanding each section and then making decisions according to what needs to happen means taking several factors into account and seeing how they piece together.

What is the drive for making up?

It seems natural to say everyone wants to be forgiven. However, we all know people who either seem constantly content to pursue their own whims and desires without a care for the damage this behavior causes. These individuals are sometimes the hardest to forgive because they appear to want it the least.

This points to an important factor in making up. The act rarely, if ever, is for the other person. Think back to the last fight had with someone important and the feelings left in the wake of the disagreement. If being honest, one’s personal feelings dominated the initial thoughts because it grows hard to imagine the other person hurting as much as we do in a given moment.

Because pain is such great motivator, it can push us to make snap decisions. Pain can also be an excellent teacher. Taking a little time to discover the source of the pain, one’s role in its manifestation and how the pain causes us to respond makes us better equipped to change. Part of that change is in repairing the relationship damaged in the disagreement.

What are the signs it has been long enough?

While sounding cliche, one will know when adequate time has passed to bring about reconciliation. One must be aware of the signs because a lack of awareness leads to being locking a cold place where forgiveness refuses to flourish. Let’s look at some possible signs.

Couple Kissing Under the Tree during Daytime
Making up

* Sting is Lessened: Memory of the event or disagreement does not seem quite so fresh. This does not mean all the pain is gone. It just isn’t as sharp.

* Sense of Lack: When thinking of the other person, they come to mind first and not the offense. One needs to be aware they miss the other person and want them back in the relationship fully.

* Ability to Discuss: The processing of things has been done and now the person can talk about it in all the facets necessary without the sensation of being cut by it. One needs to stay in touch with their feelings. Being robotic in their handling of the matter increases the chance for recurrence rather than forgiveness and repair.

Is There a Correct Time?

In short, there is with the caveat it varies from person to person. Far greater damage can be done if one forces a timetable on someone before they are ready. Maybe because of modeling from their family, one person forgives quickly. The other side may need time to ponder everything while getting in touch with their feelings without them being so raw. When enough signs from the area above align for both people, making up becomes an option for both people.

Forgiveness forges deeper bonds within couples. Always bailing on tough conversations or situations only serve to weaken the structure of the overall relationship. One needs to resist rushing the process. Neither can they ignore the opportunity offered by disagreements and reconciliation. Take the right time and then reach out because everyone will feel better afterwards. If you Want Him Back, I’ll show you exactly what to do and what to say to get your lover back in your arms – Especially if you are the only one trying…Click Here…