Gaining More Respect from Your Partner

Respect, like so many other aspects of relationships, flow up and down. While making sure respect remains mutual, one might need to shore up flagging levels. One needs to establish respect at the outset because gaining more can only occur if it exists to begin with. Once with respect, then a few simple behaviors will guard what has been gained and slowly add to it.

Guarding the Line

A good way to increase the respect being received starts with preventing the loss of any gained over time. These behaviors come from strong inner core. The world and partners will seek to erode personal respect for several reasons. They might feel threatened, seek to build themselves up through destruction or make sure their own level of respect does not diminish. Here are some good practices to not lose anything from the bucket holding your respect.

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* Set Boundaries: Attacks to respect happen most frequently when someone does not have healthy boundaries. The best definition of boundaries equates to a line in the sand delineating something not to be violated. Disrespectful people will be inclined to step over the line for any number of reasons including believing their needs outstrip the natural reasons for the boundary.

* Be Independent: People respect those who are capable of existing in a state of sufficiency. This does not mean fierce independence punctuated by an attitude of not needing anyone is called for. Such a hard line stance fails to encourage a partnership. A fine line separates being different from a partner and remaining isolated emotionally.

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* Respect Yourself: The simplest way to maintain respect centers around having it for yourself. Asking a partner, even someone who loves you deeply, to have something you do not have for yourself is akin to expecting a horse to fly. Take the time to assess your own value and stand up for it when challenged.

On the Offensive

Being defensive alone will gain nothing. At best, a steady guarding of respect will prevent any from going astray. Only when combined with active step will aid in building the level of respect. Unlike with vigilant approach, active responses for respect need to be doled out in targeted doses if they are going to be effective.

* Avoid Settling: It can be easy to think the best way to build the relationships centers around getting along. Working together within a couple can be important, but constant compromising pokes holes in bucket holding respect. One knows when they are settling and need to stand up for what is important. Which leads to the next arrow in the quiver.

* Speak Out: Thinking things never bring about change. Only by taking the risk and calling for respect verbally will clarify how important it is to you. Without that tangible conversation, they could claim a lack of knowledge. These types of discussions may cause sparks. Having a plan and sticking to it will help in the heat of the conversation.

* Stick to What You Say: Respect is never gained by grand speeches alone. When a plan has been established or a boundary set, following through is critical. The action alone demonstrates the level of commitment and garner more respect. Being aware of how this will play in the future should also curtail any overly ambitious promises.

Respect must remain mutual. Careful selection of a partner, cultivating the relationship and taking time to consider how each decision will impact the other person builds the reservoir of respect for both people. Hang in there, do the work and revel in what is being formed by sowing seeds in the fertile ground of a respectful relationship.

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Five Signs of Relationship Boredom

Boredom turns out to be one of the sneakiest dangers facing every relationship. Often it creeps in on cat like paws rather than the big crashing destruction brought about by infidelity.

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Underestimating boredom’s corrosive quality courts the end of the relationship as truly as the sun rises and sets. Recognizing the major signs boredom has entered the domain of your relationship will allow safeguards to be put into place forestalling any permanent damage.

Sign 1: No Alone Time

Nothing alleviates boredom like more people. They distract, add conversation and force problems out of the way. In general, couples avoid heavier topics like their relationship problems when other people are present. This often stagnates the relationship and attacks any healthy parts still standing.

Sign 2: Nostalgia Trap

Spending the bulk of a couple’s time and attention looking back at what happened before locks the relationship in amber. They begin to seek the aspects of the way things were. Longing for the good old days puts planning for the future on hold. The past is a nice picture to look at occasionally, but a terrible springboard for future planning.

Sign 3: Same Old Same Old

Routines offer stability. No relationship is designed to survive without a level of stability. However, locking into a unwavering pattern sucks the adventure from a relationship. Not every ounce of excitement needs to come from cliff diving or amusement parks. Deep conversations and emotional vulnerability can offer groundbreaking revelations.

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Sign 4: No Big Deal

Early in a relationship little things appear to carry so much weight. One nice aspect of longer relationships is when those tiny bumps sting far less. Couples should note when they feel nothing at all when plans get superseded or mild slights occur. This is cause for concern. If you are not getting upset about the small things, how deeply do either of you really care?

Sign 5: Ticking Clock

Boredom rears its head most when the specter of an onrushing end comes into view. Neither partner may wish to discuss how bad things have gotten, their level of disinterest nor their enjoyment when doing things alone. They will hang on to things far longer despite feeling bored because it is easier in the long run to not face the end.

Solving Boredom’s Trap

Everyone of the signs have a major aspect in common. They all hinge on not talking about the thing right in front of the couple. Sometimes the conversations center around simple things like date nights or changing things up. Other will require couples to discuss deeper issues such as their true compatibility. Boredom loses its grip the more couples meet it and the underlying issues head on.

Boredom mainly manifests as an annoyance. The problem is it will metastasize if left untreated. Couples need to be brave because only by doing what every fiber of their being is telling them to avoid can they hope to rescue what they have.

Speaking into the pain, telling the truth about what they feel and embracing what the future holds, couples can banish each wave of boredom as it arrives. Successful couples will do it repeatedly as boredom returns.

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Assessing Men’s Expectations

In a relationship, a challenge arises as to whether a man’s expectation falls into the reasonable or unreasonable category. Taking time, considering what is being asked and the reason for the expectation forces one to prognosticate the future for themselves and the relationship. Nothing strains a relationship like an unrealistic standard. Let’s look at expectations, their unreasonable counterparts and the motivations behind them.

Appearance expectations: “I want her to look…”

Everyone has a type or things about how their partner looks. Because of the initial impression made by appearance, several expectations form. Some of these are based on personal taste. A partner may prefer a certain hair color or clothing choice. Sometimes these can be fluid provided the guy realizes all the factors going into how someone looks.

Unrealistic: Run away if when his expectation sounds like a letter to a popular men’s magazine complete with measurements and phrases like “the girl next door.” A preference for down to earth beauty typified by the description is fine. When it becomes the only focus, he is seeking some teenage fantasy rather than a real person.

Reason for the Unreasonable Expectation: Simply put, a lack of maturity establishes this type of expectation. One of the greatest dangers with playing into this view of oneself centers around the flattening of other healthy aspects of you. Intelligence and personality become secondary at best with a focus on a looks.
Personality: “She’s got to be…”

Everyone has heard a litany of descriptors for personality or nature including sweet, exciting, biting and countless others to which they are drawn. We all have parts of our personalities and they manifest themselves in different ways. One person might display playfulness by cracking jokes while another might chose to take time to plan an activity. Neither is wrong because they show a nuanced way of being.

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Unrealistic: “You need to be…” implies a static form of interactions. The words themselves dictate someone wanting their needs to be met without every taking into account how the other person feels. No one gets to mandate the way someone expresses themselves.

Reason for the Unreasonable Expectation: Any number of reasons might be the cause for such an expectation. Fear of not being in control or wishing to deal with only things on the surface may nudge a man to keep things light, reasonable or sensual. Emotional and relational self management combined with safety may make a guy stick guardrails around a freely expressing person.

Relational expectations: “My partner always…”

People like to know who they are dealing with. They seek someone with similar interests, love languages they connect with and with whom they experience a connection. These factors, in and of themselves, are not bad. They can help in the selection process and everyone has them.

Unrealistic: “Always” and “only” for every aspect of a partner does not allow for a wide range of things. As the list grows from one or two declarative items, the man has stopped looking for a person. He starts seeking a list. A major drawback is how many people it cuts out of being a potential partner.

Reason for the Unreasonable Expectation: Does everyone not want exactly what they want without any surprises? Most do. If asked, men would say they are open minded with a few deal breakers. This is true. A few men go so far as to mandate everything about the person they seek. Those individuals could be dealing with issues and possibly require time and space to grow.

Everyone, men and women, have expectations. It is impossible not to have them. The moment the expectations dictate everything about a possible partner is when they cross over into unrealistic. Standing up to unreasonable demands will help break the expectations opening the door for a deeper relationship and opportunity to discover each other for real.

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Building Trust Again

Trust, a key component in any relationship, faces many challenges. Almost no relationship is not tested in the area of trust. When they occur, couples may look back and say they did nothing wrong and do not deserve this. Understanding the myriad of reasons for broken trust, the key steps to rebuilding trust and the benefits of a restored trust makes the process before a couple clear.

Reasons of Broken Trust

A variety of things attack trust. While it would be nice to think couples only need to defend one area of their relationship in a single way, the relational foundation gets destroyed by fire, flood and neglect. Let’s look at how these reasons rear their heads before addressing how to repair them.

Betrayal: Hearing betrayal, thoughts turn to matters of emotional or physical infidelity. It is a clear break of trust which should never be ignored. However, minimizing the other forms opens couples to numerous other issues. One might hide things to keep their heart safe. Perhaps they keep a secret account just in case. This betrayal burns away a storehouse of trust as any physical relationship.

General Disagreements: An erosion of trust occurs when someone continually disagrees or expresses things contrary to how they once did without any explanation. Think of this as when a river digs the earth out from under a tree on the bank exposing the roots. A partner may feel unsafe as though they need to keep certain things to themselves. This dark, dank environment does not foster an environment of trust.

Time: Neglect of trust weaken the foundation like an old covered bridge with missing boards and gaps in the roof. One is more likely to stay on their side rather than reaching out to the other person. Trust needs feeding and care from both people to keep it strong, vibrant and growing.

Key Steps to Rebuilding Trust

These points will sound simple. Often when facing the task of repairing trust, the process in more labor and time intensive than simple maintenance would have been. Take each step at face value while realizing layer exist underneath making the it important to press forward when times get tough.

* Express: Sharing thoughts and feeling become critical. A partner needs to see, hear and understand what is going on. Take time to investigate these things yourself and then share what is found there.

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* Listen and Gain Insight: Monopolizing the expression phase never builds trust. Because it is a two way street, one must listen to understand what a partner is experiencing from their side. Be quiet and still.

* Give Time and Space: Resist the urge to respond in the moment, especially to negative feedback. The first pass is often defensive and needs to be digested. Avoid rushing toward resolution as this short circuits the true growth of trust.

* Table Big Things and Circle Back: Not everything will be resolved on the first pass. If something huge comes up, acknowledge its existence, promise to return to it and then fulfill the agreement. Promises prove critical and can not be broken.

Benefits of a Trust Repaired

No one would ever say the process to repair trust would be wonderful. Several relationships never face the hard work of rebuilding. They are surrendered to the pile of broken commitments. However, every relationship needs tweaking of their trust which means there is a benefit to the act.

Stronger: A tempered sword stands against the clashing blow. A relationship, similarly forged through the fires of rebuilt trust, remains strong as outside forces attempt to beat it. Trust will give a solid spine to the relationship moving forward.

Safer: Developing a place where each party knows they can be heard allows for them to grow. With the trust of the other, a partner could take a risk because they know the net of love and trust exist to catch them when they fall.

Deeper: From a place of trust, couples love far deeper. They have set aside some of the fears they have about where they stand and who they stand with. They can encourage more and take greater risks with their own hearts.
Trust is both delicate and strong. No relationship survives for long without it. Maintaining trust can be easy and hard simultaneously. Most people rarely think far ahead to stay out of trouble where trust is concerned. This is why taking the time, care and love to rebuild what matters the most will allow couples to stand the test time.

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The Hazard of Happiness from Others

A sensation of happiness arise from countless sources like a fresh baked cookie from a parent, a great nap on a rainy day or the ideal word from the most important person in one’s life. While not bad in and of themselves, only seeking happiness from others leads to numerous complications. Romantic relationships relying solely on one another for any form of validation bring even greater issues. Understanding the reasons why this viewpoint is bad for the other person, the individual and the relationship as a whole must be understood before spotting red flag this reliance has crept into the relationship already.

Reasons It Is Bad for Them

People, even the best and most given ones, do not save other people. Placing someone in a position where they must sustain an emotional well with the potential of never being completely filled asks too much of them. This multifaceted person transforms into a conduit of the desired thing: Happiness. Consider how two dimensional it makes them. When the transition happens, then little concern arises for their needs. They stop being someone and becomes something.

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Reasons It Is Bad for You

No one has ever grown, found satisfying love or even a good friend by focusing on getting something from another person. Even in scenarios where a quid pro quo exists, the transactional nature poisons one’s ability to focus on sacrificially caring for the other person because you are not invested in them and their happiness. Outside of the relationship and the other person, it becomes harder to grow and experience things on your own due to having this great person who is there just to make you happy.

Reasons It Is Bad for the Relationship

Think about a spider’s web. No matter how large the spider or intricate their web, no one has ever witnessed them catching a bird. Relationships are similarly fragile and sticky. If one person becomes selfish and claims the lion’s share of anything, the balance gets thrown off and everything falls down. Also, it is easy for this to become a pattern without anyone realizing. When this happens, it becomes much harder to break the cycle and move forward. Both people must seek the other’s happiness and revel in the joy they receive from being with the other person.

Red Flags of Happiness Dominance

Some signs might peek around the corners letting one know this already exists. Let’s look at these concerns.

* Swinging Up and Down: Responding overly up or down when receiving happiness from one’s partner may demonstrate and overly charged link. Variations should exist in one’s emotions, but it becomes troubling when tied to a specific person and their behaviors or responses.

* Running Off Fear: Fear within in a relationships is like fast food for the body. It can be a good short term solution, but things operate poorly in such an environment. If one only feels the acidic tang on fear when not receiving happiness from their partner, the cycle may have started.

* Rudderlessness: A withdrawal of overall happiness when not supplied by one’s partner might create a sensation of being lost. The best way to identify this is when everything else seems to running well and yet not knowing where to go, what to do or how one feels overwhelms everything else.

Some of the greatest joy one can feel is in caring for another person and receiving the care in return. Watch for a growing sense of selfishness and be quick to talk to each other. This can be difficult for either individual because the temptation to say this is how love is supposed to be displayed. Healthy boundaries mean not siphoning off another person or letting them use you for their benefit. Be partners and love one another well.

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Steps to Potent Passion

Couples seek ways to fire up their lives. Often the word passion denotes a focus on the bedroom. Passion means more than strictly a physical connection.

Passion builds an existing connection. Couples without connection rarely create the heat necessary to spark deep and lasting passion. Taking the small steps permit couples to move toward greater passion and find the right spot to light the fire they need.

Changes Are Key

Routine allows couples to possess a sense of continuity in their relationship. A fine line exists between comfort and staleness. Couples who experience the same things repeatedly have tendency fall closer to complacency. They sense everything is fine and will always be that way.

This makes throwing a little variety critical to ignite passion. Step one is making a change, any change, and see where things go. Some ways to shake things up can include planning an event with a small amount of direct interaction like a concert. Travel provides an easy way to change things up by drastically altering the surroundings, entertainment options and local cuisine making passion a pleasurable byproduct.

Take More Risks

Couples looking to fire things up must do more than just change things. Making an effort by expanding their horizons offers an opening for passion to enter. Risks come in several stripes. What may sound daring to one partner may be dipping a toe in the pool for another.

Talking about what to do, how risky to be and getting comfortable with the expectations assures both people will not be uncomfortable when the time comes to jump in the water.

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One should never force their partner into things they do not want to do because nothing stifles passion like an unwilling participant. Let’s look at some guidelines for stretching the boundaries.

* Make It New for Both of You: No one should be an expert because it allow growth and comfort for both of you.
* Be Open: Saying yes, even with the possibility of appearing foolish, will generate a thrill leading to enriching passion.
* Laugh About the Mistakes: Doing something risky means things might not go perfectly and laughing about the foibles free everyone up to do it again.

Contact Is Critical

Passion grows best in an environment where every level of relational contact is present. Couples who communicate well, trust one another and connect find passion in almost everything they do. They relish the new things they experience while enjoying tasks other may find mundane.

Physical contact is more than merely sexual contact. Hand holding can occur in the grocery store or after an mud run where both people are filthy and tired. Simple touching can grow to more intimate contact. Stolen kisses linger for longer and longer making skin warm to match beating hearts.

More important than mere physical contact is a meeting of a couple’s hearts. Hearts united and open will give each person the freedom they need to share the deepest longings, desires and truths. In the cauldron of deep love, passion blazes bright. Couples are able to maintain a passion like this because of the trust they have in each other.

Passion proves best when maintained and grown over time. Phases of life exist where passion flees. Often outside circumstances rob couples of their passion.

One of the saddest days occur when a couple surrenders their passion thinking it has been lost forever when all they need is a little time and care. Take the steps necessary and jealously guard the passion between you because it is priceless.

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Too Many Break Ups

While in the midst of a series of break ups, people see them as eternal and feel as though nothing will ever change. The sensation may cause one to question if they have made the right decision.

An important thing to remember is patterns shift without warning. One might begin questioning if they have gone through too many break ups following their most recent one.

This sensation will be heightened if several have occurred within a short period of time. Spotting warning signs of a concerning trend may signify a deeper issue. Identifying them becomes critical before making any changes.

Addicted to the New

Some people crave new relationships and will end a relationship to experience something new. Those pursuing novelty may not even realize the pattern in their behavior. Let’s look at some reasons the new might appeal to a person.

* Fresh Stories: After hearing repeated tales from the same person, the seeker will get to hear things they never have. A new teller might even spice up similar stories which have grown stale.

* Loss of Interest: Those entranced by originality may tune out of the relationship when things grow familiar. With this lack, they seek something to spice things up.

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break ups

* Opportunity for Reinvention: Sometimes they also might wish to change their own narrative. As with their partner, telling one’s history grows tedious for themselves as well. They can embellish new things when they retell it to someone different.

Lacking Growth

Someone who chronically bails from the couple could believe they have reached the zenith of the relationship. Like with the quest for the new, they feel the next person possesses the correct key to unlock all their potential. A sad truth is the individual responsible for their stagnation is often not the other person. Rarely does the person ending things repeatedly have the courage to address the deeper truth. Connected to this viewpoint is how the person uses their romantic partners for their own end. Rather than embracing who they want to become and pursing the goal, they look for another person to fill the hole within themselves.

Afraid of What’s Next

Being too scared to move deeper into a committed relationship is a common problem for those who chronically terminate relationships. Most of the greatest concerns facing the couple prove more imagined than real. Commitment allows for deeper growth. Love becomes richer when couples display vulnerability with one another. One of the sad truths is such a level can only be achieved by those who remain together and unafraid of what the future holds for them.

One of the most important things to remember is too many break ups does not denote a number. A person can have a single relationship end causing them to surrender their hope of finding someone they love and who loves them. Also, the only time the number is too many is after finding the right person. Be aware of the reasons for each break up, do not fall into an unhealthy pattern and trust in the possibility of love. If you Want Him Back, I’ll show you exactly what to do and what to say to get your lover back in your arms – Especially if you are the only one trying…

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Not Wanting Your Ex Back

Everyone possesses a fantasy where an ex comes crawling back bereft of pride longing to be accepted back. The reason this is such a prevalent dream stems from it not happening too often. If every ex wanted to reconnect, a single cycle of couples would exist. Because real life is always more complicated, one needs a plan to gracefully address how to handle the unwanted advances of an ex back.

The Initial Salvo

This generally comes out of the blue. If one remains in contact with an ex, they are fully award of what is going on and there should not be a request for reestablishing the relationship. Taking important steps at the outset are key when receiving the call, email or visit where an ex pleads to come back.

* Take Time: Just because they have formulated their thoughts and feelings does not mean one must respond in the now. Despite being tempted to shut things down immediately, asking for some time to think about what has been said will give the correct impression and allow them to feel as though their request has been seriously pondered.

* Consider the Request: While easy to think you know how you feel, you should deeply debate what is being asked. This is done to accurate assess what you feel and why. You can address their concerns in advance in later steps. Also, it might prevent you from looking foolish should you decide after a short time you want them back. It does not hurt to think things through.

The Response

Your answer will be the most fraught with tension. They have been waiting for it. You are placing yourself at risk and possibly acting as someone who could be characterized negatively. Use these as guideposts in giving your reply to the request.

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* Be firm and honest about how you feel. Being too soft will only leave the door open for another uncomfortable conversation.
* Explain things from your side. They have come to you and do not know what you think or feel, so they need to understand.
* Keep it short and kind. Acting like you could not think less of them is unnecessary. Regardless of how you feel, they were vulnerable with you, so respect them.

Resist the Push  Ex Back

After the response, your ex is likely to come back again or argue particular points. This will happen because they have already put themselves out there once and feel less concerned about doing it again. Think about all the times you have tried something challenging. After discovering you did not die and it was far easier than expected, there is less internal resistance to do it a second time.

For this reason, you will need to fight against a plan to be manipulated. Your ex might not be intending to do it, but hearing no triggers a combative response in people. They will access deep reserves. Also, they may use arguments deemed too rude or base during their opening request. You will need to rely on yourself, what you know and the inner strength you have developed.

Telling someone no in any context is hard. This is why we couch so many things with language designed to soften the blow. In this setting, your firmness is the kindest thing you can offer to your ex while being careful not to dip into cruelty. If you care about them, you will release them and yourself to a future free of second guessing. If you Want Him Back, I’ll show you exactly what to do and what to say to get your lover back in your arms – Especially if you are the only one trying…Click Here…

Loneliness versus Missing an Ex

It can be tricky to know from where feelings arise. This becomes even truer after a relationship has ended because drastic alterations may occur. Being clear on what one feels and the reason for those feelings prove necessary before pursuing love again, even with an ex. For this reason, one needs to determine some key symptoms of loneliness, missing one’s ex and differentiating between the two.

Symptoms of Loneliness:

The similarity between garden variety loneliness and severe conditions like depression exist because of their similar presentations. If asked, those who deal with depression on a regular basis might note loneliness as a component. Let’s see how loneliness might exhibit itself.

* Isolation: Those fighting with loneliness want to be alone either because they do not believe they possess the strength to interact with others or they are not worthy of being in contact with others. They might say things like they would not know why it would matter. They might be quick to blame others for feeling utterly alone.

* Controlling Activities: Loneliness sufferers seek activities they can control. Such activities like watching old shows that brought them comfort during childhood or reading a book that brought them pleasure in the past happen entirely alone. Those who interact often do so online with a bit of physical and emotional distance. One example might be playing an online co opt game where they do not have to be in the same room with someone.

* Physical Maladies: Always being tired, not sleeping well and having cold like symptoms can occur when someone feels lonely. One should know that truly physical issues are often resolved by typical behaviors. A good night’s sleep corrects feeling tired. Over the counter medication knocks out the creep of a cold. If these things persist, there might be an emotional component.

It is important to remember, even if something starts off as routine loneliness, one should not ignore an escalation of these things. When one or more of symptom persists without improvement or worsens, one should seek professional medical attention to determine if the condition has escalated to depression requiring direct medical intervention. Be smart and get help.

Symptoms of Missing an Ex

As with loneliness, the keen sense of loss is likely to create an ache. Witnessing the way these feeling manifest and empowered by certain actions helps to define them. Sometimes there are only subtle nuances.

Couple Standing in the Seashore Hugging Each Other during Sunset

* Longing for Interaction: This might occur at random times. Often familiar behaviors like talking with them or sending them a text will come to mind. In some cases, one could go so far as to get the phone out before realizing it.

* Replaying Old Memories: The mind is funny because it will not hesitate to go back to pleasant things. When over an ex, this stops after a few weeks and things like pictures or recordings fail to super charge the memories. If missing them deeply, one might keep rewinding time to relive those moments.

* Emotional Bumps: When hearing news or running into an ex unexpectedly, one might get an emotional jolt. Sometimes these can be negative feelings depending on the way things were left. But after an amicable break up, ongoing love and warmth is not an unusual response.

Differentiating Between the Two

The simplest way to determine if simple loneliness or missing an ex causes one’s current state is by viewing the focus of the thoughts. Lonely people end up concentrating on themselves. They will seek to protect themselves from feeling certain things or future pain. The person longing to rekindle romance will be thinking about the other person. Granted, there can be a sense of nostalgia when considering returning to an ex. One will need to decide if they want the past or the future because one is possible and the other can never be again.

In the end, loneliness and missing someone are merely states of being. Another person will never alleviate all the things a person feels and questions about themselves. Their best hope is to see if they think they would be better entering a new relationship with the same person or letting the relationship go. Growth only happens in a forward direction, so that’s where you need to be looking.  If you Want Love Back, I’ll show you exactly what to do and what to say to get your lover back in your arms – Especially if you are the only one trying…Click Here…