The idea of getting back together with your ex probably seems like the perfect solution to your present state of heart and mind.
The breakup is the root of all your problems and your pain at the moment. You believe that making up will be the perfect answer. It might even solve some of your problems by relieving your pain to the point where you can think clearly. However, if you had waited that long before making up, what would those clearer thoughts have revealed about the breakup to begin with? Is getting back together with your ex really in your best interest? Consider these questions to help you decide.
Have You Grown from the Experience?
Not just the breakup. Have you grown from the relationship? How has loving your ex changed you for the better? For worse? Where do you want to go, on a personal level, from here? Is it somewhere your ex will be able to go with you? How have your dreams and plans for the future changed as a result of your relationship with your ex? Do you still have dreams you’re working to achieve? Or, have you given them all up for the sake of practicality and expedience? What have you accomplished since becoming involved with your ex? Do you feel like you’re a better person because you knew your ex?
Are Your Prepared to Put the Past Behind You?
The problems in your relationship don’t go away just because you broke up and got back together. Wouldn’t it be nice if it did work that way though! The truth is that the old baggage is waiting at the same door one of you stomped out of when the you-know-what hit the fan. If you don’t resolve the issues that tore the two of you apart to begin with, they’re going to cause problems again unless you’ve decided that you can really put them behind the two of you and move forward.
What Kinds of Changes are You Willing to Make to Make it Work?
Lasting relationships require work. It’s as simple as that. You can’t share a home and lead two separate lives. You can’t go your separate ways and meet up when things are lonely or a little less hectic. You have to make time for each other and you have to do things together. More importantly, though, for the sake of saving your relationship, you both have to change in ways that bring you together rather than divide you.
If you’re not willing to put the past behind you, make necessary changes, and aren’t sure you’ve really grown from your time together, then why on earth are you fighting like mad to save the relationship? If you have positive answers to all these questions, then you’ll need to follow a well-conceived plan of attack to get your ex to pay attention and really give you, and your relationship, a second chance.
Wise people say that the definition of insanity is to do the same thing over and over again while expecting different results. So many people, in the aftermath of an unexpected and/or unwanted breakup, find themselves falling into patterns of insanity while trying to get their exes back.
Your Ex Back? It’s quite common.
Your heart is screaming so loud that it drowns out the things your brain is trying to tell you. The one thing your heart knows for sure is that it wants to stop HURTING.
It knows that the breakup is the source of the pain and it wants to fix it. NOW! The thing is, your heart says crazy things, such as: apologize, beg, and bargain. These are the things that will do far more to harm your cause than to see it through.
Instead of repeating all the things that aren’t working, let’s try a different tactic this time around. Let’s go for different results. Here’s what you need to do instead.
Your Ex Back? Agree with Your Ex
Want to stop an argument dead in its tracks? Agree with the arguer. First of all, it’s a shocking experience. There have probably been many times in the course of your relationship together that you’ve continued an argument you’d known you were losing just because you weren’t ready to admit defeat. We’ve all done it.
Stopping the argument is one thing. It’s a grudging acceptance, but one your ex can mentally process. However, AGREEING with your ex is a new tactic that will leave your ex reeling.
More importantly, it will leave your ex thinking of you in an intrigued and perplexed way. Your ex thinks he or she already knows what’s coming next. Agreeing throws them off balance and reveals that you do, in fact, still have a few tricks up your sleeve.
Your Ex Back? Stop Trying so Hard
I’m not advocating giving up. I’m not even telling you that you shouldn’t try to get your ex back. I’m telling you stop working so HARD. You need to work SMARTER; not harder. The direct approach isn’t going to work in the days and short weeks following your breakup. You’re going to need to do your best work behind the scenes if you really want to get your ex’s attention.
Begin with what you know about your ex. How did you win his or her heart in the first place? What is it about you that your ex has claimed to love the most? Identify that. Understand it and save it for later.
Next you need to identify where the problems started. Was there a specific event, argument, or misunderstanding that began a downward spiral for your relationship? What could you do now that would tip the scales once again in your favor? Now is the time for thinking and not the time for action.
Do you need help coming up with the exact plan of action or working out the timing of putting your plan into motion? More importantly, do you have a plan for what comes next? Once you get your ex back, you need to know what it’s going to take to keep your relationship on a more even path in the future. Let me help you with that and so much more.
Your husband is probably not much of a talker.
Most men aren’t. It’s the one common complaint women have about them. They don’t talk about how they feel. Sometimes, women take that to mean they have a different emotional depth than women do. The truth of the matter is that men do feel things. In some ways, men feel even more deeply than women who wear their emotions on their sleeves quite often.
Because they don’t talk about their feelings, though, women often feel like it’s a waste of breath to discuss how they feel about their husbands with their husbands. Unfortunately, their husbands need to hear these words of affirmation. These are three of the things your husband NEEDS to hear from you as often as possible.
1) How Much You Respect Him – Respect is important to your husband.
He may never demand it. He’ll almost certainly never ask for it. But, it means a lot to him. Of all the people in the world, he wants your respect the most — and that’s something he may never even admit to himself. Let him know that you respect him and make sure you tell him WHY you respect him while you’re at it.
2) That You Still Find Him Attractive
- No matter how many years you’ve been together he still needs hear that you still believe he’s the most handsome man on the planet. He needs to know that you only have eyes for him. Most importantly of all, he needs to feel like you mean it when you say these things.
3) How Much You Love the Way He Makes You Feel – Think about all the little things your husband does for you
- to protect you, to make you happy, and to keep you safe. He’s trying to take care of you. He’s showing you how he feels by doing those things and this should make you FEEL cherished, loved, and even adored by him. Let him know that he does make you feel all these things and more.
Bonus – Actions speak louder than words any day of the week. Telling him how you feel is great. It will mean a lot to him. However, if you combine the telling of these things with actions that reinforce the message you’re trying to convey it will be much clearer for him. Acts can be touching him, rubbing his shoulders, scratching his back, making his favorite meal, or going out of your way to make the house look extra nice and tidy. Whatever it is that pleases him most – after all, you know him best.
You don’t have to buy expensive gifts to make your guy feel loved and appreciated by you. Simple gestures sometimes get the greatest mileage. But, when you tell your husband these things often, you’ll have a happier, healthier marriage in a home that’s filled with love and affection.
NEW! Now You Can Stop Your Break Up, Divorce or Lovers Rejection…Even If Your Situation Seems Hopeless!
If you’ll take my hand, I’ll show you exactly what to do and what to say to get your ex back in your arms – Especially if you are the only one trying…
Getting his attention used to be easy.
All you had to do was walk into the room – any room – and you had his undivided attention. Add a little wiggle to his walk, toss your hair over your shoulder, and crook your little finger and he’d come running fast. Lately, the only thing that gets that much love from him is the television remote. You’re starting to feel a little bit left out and worn down.
What if I told you that there is something you can do RIGHT NOW that will get his attention – in a good way?
It’s easier than you think and you don’t have to walk around the house wearing nothing more than six-inch stilettos to get it.
Flirt with Him
How long has it been since you flirted with your guy? First of all, it WILL get his attention. He’ll be more than a little surprise and quite a bit turned on.
Now the downside is that he may instantly become suspicious. If that’s the case, don’t let it get you down. After all, you haven’t done it in a while.
The problem with relationships, is that no matter how much we love each other, after a while we stop trying quite as hard. We become a little bit complacent. Bringing back the flirting lets him know that you’re willing to try a little harder.
He’ll probably like it a lot more than he’ll ever let on.
Take it a little beyond hair tosses and batted eyelashes though. Let him know how big, strong, and handsome you think he is (of course you’ll want to find ways to say it that don’t leave you sounding like Betty Boop — unless that’s the kind of thing your guy likes).
This is all about him. You want to remind him that he’s the only man for you. Flirting, sends the signal to him that you think he’s still worth trying for – no matter how long you’ve been together.
Want to kick things up a notch? Touch him. Men express and experience love in a different way than women. It doesn’t have to be sexual touching, though that certainly doesn’t hurt your odds of getting his attention. But, he likes to be touched.
Rub his shoulders. Scratch his back. Hold his hands. Reach out and touch him and see what an instant response that gets from him.
We live in a day and time when attention is easily divided. Bringing a little bit of flirting and a whole lot of touching back into the relationship is the fastest way you have at your disposal to get his attention – in a very good way.
In the first few days, even weeks, after your breakup, the only thing you can think about is how to get your lover back. It’s understandable. Depending on how long the two of you were together, you’ve shared a lot of life. It’s hard to just walk away and pretend it never happened.
The odds are good that your lover isn’t walking off unaffected either. The only real difference is that your lover has been thinking about this for a while. People don’t walk away from long-term-relationships on a whim. In other words, your ex has had a little more time to deal with the emotional side of the decision than you have.
If you’re struggling to decide if the right choice is to walk away or fight to get your lover back, these questions should help you decide.
Is the Love Still There?
This is a huge question you need to know the answer to before you make a single step to try and win your lover back. While you can only guess about how your ex really feels, you can, and should, explore your own feelings in depth before making your next move. If the love isn’t really there, you should not waste your time and energy, or that of your ex, trying to rekindle something that’s simply not there anymore.
Is the Relationship You Had Truly Worth Rehashing?
Most relationships have their shares of ups and downs. Successful relationships have far more ups in them than downs. Take a look back over the course of your entire relationship. How do the ups compare to the downs for you? Were the good times really good? How bad were the darkest days? Are you willing to experience them again if necessary?